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The Five Childhood Tests of Self Confidence (Very Imp.)

self confidence

Our experiences as a child affect our self confidence. We’ve all have had feelings of inferiority or inadequacy at some point in our lives. Why is this the case? I believe the origins of self doubt lie in childhood and adolescence, when we venture away from our parents and begin to associate with our peers. I am always touched by the emotion people feel about early childhood experiences of rejection, even ones that occurred 50 years ago. Those early failures can make an indelible impression on us and negatively impact our self confidence. Hence the key to independent living is coming to terms with our childhood. Since our culture assigns worth to adolescence in unfair ways, we’ve got to recognize that some of our early failures may have been misleading. Some of us begin to dislike aspects of ourselves very early on, as the result of humiliating failures at several tests.

NLP Techniques for Super Confidence

There are five tests that society commonly uses for judging individuals. They are:

1. The Attractiveness test

2. The Intelligence test

3. The Status test

4. The Popularity test

5. The Production test

The Attractiveness Test

Without question the most highly valued personal attribute (at least nowadays) in our culture is physical attractiveness. Children don’t have to be too old to discover whether they are good looking or not, and it can make an enormous difference in how they view themselves. Some studies show that if you are beautiful as a child, you get more attention and better treatment, not only from children, but also from teachers. This happens as early as nursery schools. As adults, we need to look back at some of our earliest experiences with our bodies. We probably jump to negative conclusions much too soon before we realize how little our looks have to do with who we are. Even now, many of us continue to have a great deal of confusion about our body, and thus about ourselves. For one thing, we don’t have a clear idea as to how our bodies look like. And this problem seems to be getting worse. In 1985, the magazine “Psychology Today” surveyed 30,000 people about their body image. The study was designed by psychologist Thomas Kash. He made some interesting comparisons with a similar study taken 13 years earlier by the same magazine. This is what he found: In 1972, 15% of the men and 25% of the women were dissatisfied with their overall appearance. But in 1985, 34% of the men, and 38% of the women didn’t like their looks. Most of the dissatisfaction seemed to center upon weight. 41% of the men wanted to weigh less, and a startling 55% of the women thought they were over-weight. While 20% of the respondents didn’t like the way their faces looked, fully 50% of the men and 57% of the women were dissatisfied with their mid-torsos. Despite the fact that we are in an age of obsessive shaping up, and trying to look good, we are becoming more and more dissatisfied with ourselves. Perhaps the most important finding by Dr. Kash was this: There is little connection between how attractive people are, and how attractive they feel they are, particularly among women. A woman who seems quite unattractive can be quite content with her body, while another who is highly attractive can be so obsessed with every little flaw in her appearance that she feels ugly. To help overcome this major obstacle to self-confidence, the rule is this: Determine to integrate your body and your spirit. Such integration requires five steps:

1.Keep your flaws in perspective. If we have obvious physical flaws, there are two things, we are ought to do. The first is to figure out whether there is something we can do to fix the problem, and the second is to act on those findings. If exercise would help, then by all means you should exercise. If corrective surgery is reason able, then you might consider having that done. But be cautioned that surgery may not provide the solution you are looking for. Plastic surgeons have been telling us for a long time that when people are obsessed with their noses and get them fixed, it usually does little to enhance their self-images. On the other hand, you might find out that there are no corrective steps possible. For example, if you think you are too short, then there is no exercise (past a certain age, that is) that can make you taller. Once you come to terms with this you can simply put the matter out of your mind, and focus on more important things.

Fill in the following chart, regarding your experiences with the attractiveness test:

Apparent            What can you do             Is this really all that

flaw in                  to overcome it?              important, or have you just

appearance                                                magnified the effect?

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—————           ———————           —————————————

—————           ———————           —————————————

—————           ———————           —————————————

2.Avoid needless comparisons. Part of our difficulty with body image is our tendency to compare. We are constantly comparing ourselves with those being admired or those being criticized. This habit of comparing ourselves with is others exceedingly dangerous, especially if we compare ourselves with the youthful examples of perfection found on the TV screen.

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3.Cultivate your senses. Our bodies are indeed ourselves. And the imperfections with which we are born are inconsequential compared to the good things our bodies can do for us. We have a great deal of control over our body. We can decide, for instance, how well we pay attention to the constant sensations coming into us. And the better we pay attention, the better we are going to feel about our body.

4.Use your body to give love. We feel better about ourselves the more we give ourselves away. And that principle applies to our bodies as much to the rest of us. When you share yourself with somebody through loving contact, they’ll usually respond in kind. While you are affirming the worth of their body and spirit, they are doing the same for you. Much of the information people gather about themselves has to do with the physical contact they receive from others. Young children form a perception of themselves, in part, by the way their bodies are handled by those who care for them. When you were a baby, your mother and father show the way they felt about who you are and the body you own, by the ways they touched you.

5.Keep your body finely tuned. Since physical health is a major contributor to our general happiness, it makes sense to treat our bodies well. Although we cannot say whether physical fitness leads to confidence or vice versa, people with good self images tend to eat better, and exercise more than those with low self confidence. An astonishing number of us almost abuse our bodies with almost a self-destructive bent.

The Intelligence Test

Although this test can be useful to a certain extent, the negative effects of failing at this test can be tremendous. In most countries, the major part of educational funds is spent, either on gifted students – students with high IQ’s, or on students with low IQ’s – who are mentally handicapped but trainable. Between these two extremes are students with mid-range IQ’s, students who are often called “Average.” These children are made fun of by their peers and are often overlooked by their teachers. As a result, they hold an image of themselves as stupid, and this image can last long beyond their school years. The problem

with IQ tests is that they are not completely accurate. They don’t take into account certain factors that may be holding the student back from better performance. The factors which could lead to poor test performance include slow motor co-ordination, a lack of fluency in the language of instruction, and a restrictive family atmosphere.

The Status Test

When you were growing up, if your parents had a bigger house than others, and if you had more money than others, your self esteem was elevated with high self confidence. If your parents were prominent in the community, and all your teachers knew they were important people, you had clout. If on the other hand, you had a parent who was known for some scandal, or if your parents were poor, it was hard to hold your head high. If you have workaholic tendencies, your relationships may suffer because you always put projects above people. Typical workaholics have few friends beyond their spouses. People who are addicted to work, are really not as effective as they like to think. Many studies show that such people do more but accomplish less. They give the appearance of doing a lot of work, but in the long run, they often don’t accomplish as much as the slow but steady worker. High achievers are committed to results whereas the workaholic is simply committed to activity.

Here are 7 guidelines for curing workaholic tendencies:

1.Engage in some honest reappraisal of your work patterns. You might want to ask your family or close friends for their opinion on your work habits. This will have a two fold benefit. First, it will give you a more objective view of yourself. And second, you’ll get some indication as to whether your obsessive behavior is sabotaging your relationships.

2.Examine your ethical and spiritual priorities. Are you working at such a frenzy because the job is actually that important to you, or has it simply become a way of living – a habitual compulsion. By looking beyond your job, you may be able to find some activities that are more satisfying and enriching.

3.Spend some time outdoors. I find that nature has a calming effect on people. Too many urban people go for days without taking note of the whether, the color of the trees, the movement of the stars. I believe, we were all made to be outdoors part of everyday.

4.Become deliberate in the way you control your schedule. For example, if your work till 9 every evening, that’s your choice. But, you may have forgotten why you work that late each day. See if your schedule can be modified so that you can come home at 5 three nights a week.

5.Take time for people who are important. We’re all given the same amount of time in a day, and it’s vital to devote some of this time to the people in our lives.

6.Make time for play. Play with your child, or your dog, time to become like a little child, time to enjoy life as it is.

7. Devote yourself to regular spiritual disciplines. The people who are happy with the way life is going on, invariably turn out to be ones who regularly have a daily appointment with their spirits through regular prayers, meditations, etc.

Conclusion

The above discussion should help you re-evaluate your self-worth in a new light. Try to reflect on the areas in which you were criticized, and try to clear your mind of these hang ups. It is important to make your mind free of all these negative thoughts from the past to improve your self confidence.

NLP Techniques to Power Up Your Life