Many people suffer from depression nowadays. This is a state of the mind so medicines are really not the way forward.
If you have depression or know someone dealing with it then you have to ask this question.
Do You have depression or are you depressed? The question seems silly because both the statements mean the same. So then it is okay to assume that you have depression. Here you have to understand that at different points of time we have things. Also at different points of time we don’t have those things. People don’t have a car, then they have a car and then again they don’t have it. But you don’t become a car. It is just something you have or you don’t. Nothing is permanent. Similarly earlier you didn’t have depression, now you have depression, tomorrow you may not have depression. This is called a clear concept. You can’t become that thing. Well, write it down on a paper “I have depression.” Now notice how relaxed you feel.
Now we also became aware that you have depression now and earlier you didn’t have it. So then write down “I have depression for some time only.” Put your signature below it. So now we are clear that you have depression for some time only. So basically rest of the time you are okay. So then write down “ I have depression for some time only and rest of the time I am okay.” Again place your signature below it. So basically you are an okay person having depression some times. So write down “ I am an okay person having depression some times.” Again place your signature below it.
Now when you have depression what happens to your body, how it feels. So you may have drooped shoulders, sad face, eyes downwards, shallow breathing etc. Now change that and sit straight, look straight with a smile on your face and breathe slowly from your belly. Now notice how comfortable you feel.
Now close your eyes and remember a time when you were feeling happy, joyful. Feel that emotion, see the sights, hear the sounds. Visualize it in bright lights and vivid colors. When you are ready you can open your eyes feeling relaxed, comfortable.
Here you must understand that words are very powerful. When you say “I am” be very sure what you want to add after it. Whatever you say after that sincerely believing it to be so, the subconscious mind will make it a reality. Remember, your subconscious is very powerful.You start owning it. So say positive things after I am.
Self concept is very important. We cannot make things our identity. The concept creates our belief system. This influences our thinking pattern. When we use positive words it impacts our self concept and our self image. The right communication will give us the results we want.
Our experiences as a child affect our self confidence. Now confidence is very important. Confidence enhances our personality. We are able to step outside our comfort zone which may be necessary at times.We’ve all have had feelings of inferiority or inadequacy at some point in our lives. Why is this the case? I believe the origins of self doubt lie in childhood and adolescence, when we venture away from our parents and begin to associate with our peers. I am always touched by the emotion people feel about early childhood experiences of rejection, even ones that occurred 50 years ago. Those early failures can make an indelible impression on us and negatively impact our self confidence. Hence the key to independent living is coming to terms with our childhood. Since our culture assigns worth to adolescence in unfair ways, we’ve got to recognize that some of our early failures may have been misleading. Some of us begin to dislike aspects of ourselves very early on, as the result of humiliating failures at several tests.
There are five tests that society commonly uses for judging individuals. They are:
1. The Attractiveness test
2. The Intelligence test
3. The Status test
4. The Popularity test
5. The Production test
The Attractiveness Test
Without question the most highly valued personal attribute (at least nowadays) in our culture is physical attractiveness. Children don’t have to be too old to discover whether they are good looking or not, and it can make an enormous difference in how they view themselves. Some studies show that if you are beautiful as a child, you get more attention and better treatment, not only from children, but also from teachers. This happens as early as nursery schools. As adults, we need to look back at some of our earliest experiences with our bodies. We probably jump to negative conclusions much too soon before we realize how little our looks have to do with who we are. Even now, many of us continue to have a great deal of confusion about our body, and thus about ourselves. For one thing, we don’t have a clear idea as to how our bodies look like. And this problem seems to be getting worse. In 1985, the magazine “Psychology Today” surveyed 30,000 people about their body image. The study was designed by psychologist Thomas Kash. He made some interesting comparisons with a similar study taken 13 years earlier by the same magazine. This is what he found: In 1972, 15% of the men and 25% of the women were dissatisfied with their overall appearance. But in 1985, 34% of the men, and 38% of the women didn’t like their looks. Most of the dissatisfaction seemed to center upon weight. 41% of the men wanted to weigh less, and a startling 55% of the women thought they were over-weight. While 20% of the respondents didn’t like the way their faces looked, fully 50% of the men and 57% of the women were dissatisfied with their mid-torsos. Despite the fact that we are in an age of obsessive shaping up, and trying to look good, we are becoming more and more dissatisfied with ourselves. Perhaps the most important finding by Dr. Kash was this: There is little connection between how attractive people are, and how attractive they feel they are, particularly among women. A woman who seems quite unattractive can be quite content with her body, while another who is highly attractive can be so obsessed with every little flaw in her appearance that she feels ugly. To help overcome this major obstacle to self-confidence, the rule is this: Determine to integrate your body and your spirit. Such integration requires five steps:
1.Keep your flaws in perspective. If we have obvious physical flaws, there are two things, we are ought to do. The first is to figure out whether there is something we can do to fix the problem, and the second is to act on those findings. If exercise would help, then by all means you should exercise. If corrective surgery is reason able, then you might consider having that done. But be cautioned that surgery may not provide the solution you are looking for. Plastic surgeons have been telling us for a long time that when people are obsessed with their noses and get them fixed, it usually does little to enhance their self-images. On the other hand, you might find out that there are no corrective steps possible. For example, if you think you are too short, then there is no exercise (past a certain age, that is) that can make you taller. Once you come to terms with this you can simply put the matter out of your mind, and focus on more important things.
Fill in the following chart, regarding your experiences with the attractiveness test:
Apparent What can you do Is this really all that
flaw in to overcome it? important, or have you just
appearance magnified the effect?
————— ——————— —————————————
————— ——————— —————————————
————— ——————— —————————————
————— ——————— —————————————
————— ——————— —————————————
2.Avoid needless comparisons. Part of our difficulty with body image is our tendency to compare. We are constantly comparing ourselves with those being admired or those being criticized. This habit of comparing ourselves with is others exceedingly dangerous, especially if we compare ourselves with the youthful examples of perfection found on the TV screen.
3.Cultivate your senses. Our bodies are indeed ourselves. And the imperfections with which we are born are inconsequential compared to the good things our bodies can do for us. We have a great deal of control over our body. We can decide, for instance, how well we pay attention to the constant sensations coming into us. And the better we pay attention, the better we are going to feel about our body.
4.Use your body to give love. We feel better about ourselves the more we give ourselves away. And that principle applies to our bodies as much to the rest of us. When you share yourself with somebody through loving contact, they’ll usually respond in kind. While you are affirming the worth of their body and spirit, they are doing the same for you. Much of the information people gather about themselves has to do with the physical contact they receive from others. Young children form a perception of themselves, in part, by the way their bodies are handled by those who care for them. When you were a baby, your mother and father show the way they felt about who you are and the body you own, by the ways they touched you.
5.Keep your body finely tuned. Since physical health is a major contributor to our general happiness, it makes sense to treat our bodies well. Although we cannot say whether physical fitness leads to confidence or vice versa, people with good self images tend to eat better, and exercise more than those with low self confidence. An astonishing number of us almost abuse our bodies with almost a self-destructive bent.
The Intelligence Test
Although this test can be useful to a certain extent, the negative effects of failing at this test can be tremendous. In most countries, the major part of educational funds is spent, either on gifted students – students with high IQ’s, or on students with low IQ’s – who are mentally handicapped but trainable. Between these two extremes are students with mid-range IQ’s, students who are often called “Average.” These children are made fun of by their peers and are often overlooked by their teachers. As a result, they hold an image of themselves as stupid, and this image can last long beyond their school years. The problem with IQ tests is that they are not completely accurate. They don’t take into account certain factors that may be holding the student back from better performance. The factors which could lead to poor test performance include slow motor co-ordination, a lack of fluency in the language of instruction, and a restrictive family atmosphere.
The Status Test
When you were growing up, if your parents had a bigger house than others, and if you had more money than others, your self esteem was elevated with high self confidence. If your parents were prominent in the community, and all your teachers knew they were important people, you had clout. If on the other hand, you had a parent who was known for some scandal, or if your parents were poor, it was hard to hold your head high. If you have workaholic tendencies, your relationships may suffer because you always put projects above people. Typical workaholics have few friends beyond their spouses. People who are addicted to work, are really not as effective as they like to think. Many studies show that such people do more but accomplish less. They give the appearance of doing a lot of work, but in the long run, they often don’t accomplish as much as the slow but steady worker. High achievers are committed to results whereas the workaholic is simply committed to activity.
Here are 7 guidelines for curing workaholic tendencies:
1.Engage in some honest reappraisal of your work patterns. You might want to ask your family or close friends for their opinion on your work habits. This will have a two fold benefit. First, it will give you a more objective view of yourself. And second, you’ll get some indication as to whether your obsessive behavior is sabotaging your relationships.
2.Examine your ethical and spiritual priorities. Are you working at such a frenzy because the job is actually that important to you, or has it simply become a way of living – a habitual compulsion. By looking beyond your job, you may be able to find some activities that are more satisfying and enriching.
3.Spend some time outdoors. I find that nature has a calming effect on people. Too many urban people go for days without taking note of the whether, the color of the trees, the movement of the stars. I believe, we were all made to be outdoors part of everyday.
4.Become deliberate in the way you control your schedule. For example, if your work till 9 every evening, that’s your choice. But, you may have forgotten why you work that late each day. See if your schedule can be modified so that you can come home at 5 three nights a week.
5.Take time for people who are important. We’re all given the same amount of time in a day, and it’s vital to devote some of this time to the people in our lives.
6.Make time for play. Play with your child, or your dog, time to become like a little child, time to enjoy life as it is.
7. Devote yourself to regular spiritual disciplines. The people who are happy with the way life is going on, invariably turn out to be ones who regularly have a daily appointment with their spirits through regular prayers, meditations, etc.
The above discussion should help you re-evaluate your self-worth in a new light. Try to reflect on the areas in which you were criticized, and try to clear your mind of these hang ups. It is important to make your mind free of all these negative thoughts from the past to improve your self confidence.
Our experiences as a child affect our self confidence. Now confidence is very important. Confidence enhances our personality. We are able to step outside our comfort zone which may be necessary at times.
What impacts our self confidence?
Ou We’ve all have had feelings of inferiority or inadequacy at some point in our lives. Why is this the case? I believe the origins of self doubt lie in childhood and adolescence, when we venture away from our parents and begin to associate with our peers. r experiences as a child affect our self confidence.
What are the five childhood tests of Self confidence?
There are five tests that society commonly uses for judging individuals. They are: 1. The Attractiveness test 2. The Intelligence test 3. The Status test 4. The Popularity test 5. The Production test
Today we will see a simple and powerful technique to transform your inner voice. We are surrounded by people who give us negative thoughts. This may not necessarily be intentionally. Then there are people who irritate us.
So let us start. Make sure that you are not disturbed or distracted. Follow the exercise as I guide you though it. You can repeat this whenever you want. The more you do it the better results you get. So follow with me now. Here we will change the inner negative voice to your favourite cartoon character voice. Close your eyes and become aware of some bothersome voice in your head which troubles you. Just notice where it is, where it is located. There is no right or wrong place. Just feel where it is located. Now become aware of the loudness, tonality, intensity and emotion of the voice. Now move this voice from wherever it was to the little finger of your hand or toe. Change the location of the voice. Now notice how the voice sounds. Hear the same words and sentences. You will notice there is some change in the voice. Maybe there are changes in all aspects or in some aspects. Just be aware of it. Now time to make it funny. Add the voice of your favourite cartoon character to it. It may be Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck whichever is your choice. Imagine the voice is now changed. As you do this you will find the negative effect is gone. It is no more bothersome. While doing this you may start smiling and laughing which is quite alright. Now repeat this process one more time and you will feel good. Now imagine the voice is coming in the future and it goes to your little finger and becomes a voice of cartoon character.
This is a simple process which can be done anywhere and by anyone. By transforming your inner voice you are cleaning your mindset and freeing your mind from the negative garbage.
Negative emotions are generated from bad experiences. They tend to remain with us withholding us to move forward. They can cause you to be sad and miserable. They can increase stress and anxiety. NLP is a very simple and effective tool to handle negative emotions in a healthy way.
Sit comfortably in a chair and close your eyes. Think of that negative emotion. Now, see where you feel it in your body.
Feel the sensation in your body. See in what direction it is spinning if it is moving at all.
Make that movement with your hands in front of you. Try to see what color that feeling has.
Now increase the speed of the movement.
Now remove that feeling and place it out of your body in front of you and keep on making the movement with your hands.
Now reverse the direction of movement. Then change the color to sky blue.
So now it is moving in the opposite direction and it is sky blue. Keep on doing it. Now place it back inside the body.
Keep it moving in the opposite direction with sky blue color. Keep making the movement with your hands.
Now remember a time when you were laughing. Remember that happy feeling.
Now stop the movement with your hands and just feel that feeling of happiness and joy.
Let that feeling get stronger inside your body. Let that happy feeling spread throughout your body.
Now take a deep breath and out through your mouth releasing all the stress and tension from your body.
Now slowly open your eyes. You could feel a bit lost but that is okay.
Now try to remember that negative emotion and you will see that you will actually laugh. The more you try to remember the more you will laugh. The more you try the more you will laugh.
This technique can be applied on anyone. Individual results may vary but it is still effective.